Trigger warning: There are references to suicide and self-harm in this story.

Bengaluru: When Asif Khan was arrested in Belgaum in October 2006 in connection to the Mumbai blasts in July of that year, he did not think it would be the beginning of a 19-year prison ordeal involving physical torture, terrorism allegations and “mental torture”.

More than 800 people were injured and 187 died in seven blasts on Mumbai’s suburban trains on July 11, 2006.

Khan, now 52, spent nearly a decade as an undertrial until 2015, when he was convicted and sentenced to death. He spent the last decade as a death row convict in Pune’s Yerwada Central Prison. His co-accused Ehtesham Qutubuddin Siddiqui, now 43, also spent 19 years--with the last decade as a death row prisoner in Nagpur’s Central Prison.

Khan, Siddiqui and 10 other co-accused were acquitted on July 21, 2025. The Bombay High Court’s order was stayed by the Supreme Court that same week, but the 12 men remain free–the Maharashtra government wanted the Bombay High Court judgement stayed because it could affect pending trials.

India is one of 55 countries that allow the death penalty for ordinary crimes. According to Project 39A’s (now The Square Circle Clinic) death penalty data, there were 564 people living under a sentence of death in India at the end of 2024. In 90% of all death penalty sentences in 2024, trial courts imposed it in the absence of adequate information about the accused, IndiaSpend reported.

While sentencing without adequate information is a serious concern, the immediate and long term impact is faced by prisoners facing long incarceration including those on death row who are affected mentally and physically.

As Khan and Siddiqui slowly reconnect with life outside prison, recurring memories of custodial violence, dehumanisation, prison surveillance and lack of privacy are interlaced with bouts of anxiety and depression. The trauma of coping in the phansi (gallows) yard remains etched deep in their psyche.


Agony and trauma of death sentencing

On September 11, 2015, on the 14th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks in the US, a Mumbai special court found 12 of the 13 accused in the 2006 Mumbai blasts guilty.

The heavy police bandobast during the short drive from Mumbai’s Arthur Road jail to the court, and the prison staff’s behaviour the previous day, was unusual enough to indicate the possibility of a guilty verdict, they recalled.

“Once [declared] guilty I was certain that I would be given the death sentence due to the charges against me. It was distressing,” said Siddiqui.

Nineteen days later, on September 30, Siddiqui and Khan were among the five sentenced to death while seven others were given life imprisonment.

Khan had to console his brother in court after the verdict. He had not wanted his family to be present at the sentencing because he feared the worst. “Despite the unfortunate circumstances, none of us broke down,” he recalled. “We knew we were innocent.”



Ehtesham Qutubuddin Siddiqui, 43, completed 22 courses during his incarceration and authored a book on his incarceration.


“...we have found that intense mental agony and trauma sets in from the moment a person is sentenced to death,” said Maitreyi Misra, director of Mental Health and Criminal Justice at The Square Circle Clinic, in NALSAR University of Law, Hyderabad.

IndiaSpend has reported on the high proportion of undertrials, long incarceration, delay in bail and onerous bail conditions and the impact on mental well-being. Despite multiple judgements on these issues and the often-repeated legal principle of ‘Bail is the rule, jail is an exception’, undertrial prisoners remain in jail years after their arrest without the commencement of trial, like those accused in the CAA/NRC protests or in the Bhima Koregaon-Elgar Parishad case


Phansi yard, a ‘jail’s jail’

The phansi yard is a high security zone where prisoners charged under serious offences or those sentenced to death are imprisoned in separate cells, often in solitary confinement. Cells are opened for a few hours each day in the morning and afternoon.

Phansi yard is a jail’s jail,” said Khan, where there is more scrutiny on prisoners than usual. “When a prisoner has to be punished, they put them in the phansi yard. It’s strict.”

Prison regimens can be exhausting. Life is a set of harsh routines and repetition governed by prison norms–such as the dampness of the colonial-era walls during the monsoon, and the harsh summers without a fan; or the recurrent disproportionate use of hing (asafoetida) in the food, probably to add a semblance of flavour, Khan recalled.



Asif Khan, 52, with his mother Husna Bano at home in Jalgaon, Maharashtra. He worked as a civil engineer in Mumbai before his arrest in 2006.


The two thick kambals (blankets) became part of Khan’s prison life where the periodic sound of the duty guards' heavy boots and the prison clock indicated the slow passage of time. Siddiqui used wet blankets on the wall during summer to cope with the heat, and placed layers of newspaper under the blanket to keep warm in winter.

“Ceiling fans were fixed in 2019 after we complained about having to use kambal in summer. But it also protected us from mosquitos,” said Khan.

There were often times when it was “mental torture”. He recalled sandbag tests done by jail authorities on the gallows, and the routine sound of the shutter trap opening, as traumatic. “I can still sense the phansi gate sound,” said Khan. It didn’t help that prison staff, within earshot of the inmates, spoke of unnecessary delays in executing death row prisoners.

During Khan’s time in Yerwada, the red LED on the surveillance camera was a constant reminder that even in his 10x10 cell, he was under constant scrutiny. Finally free, and reunited with his family in Jalgaon, he is iteratively shedding the fear of surveillance.

“I was once a professional and a free mind. Now I am not. There is fear that someone will reprimand me,” he said.

In contrast, Siddiqui preferred solitary confinement, despite it being unconstitutional before the rejection of mercy petition by the President, during much of his incarceration. Alone in his cell most of the time, he spent 19 years focused on his education. It was a distraction, he said--safer, and one of the ways to cope with prison’s structural brutality.

By 2025, he had completed 22 courses, including two bachelor's and three master’s of arts degrees, an MBA, three diplomas, and 13 certificate courses. He is expecting to complete a law degree soon.

When Siddiqui reached Nagpur Central Jail in October 2015, there was a palpable sense of fear and worry in the yard because Yakub Memon, who had been convicted for the 1993 Mumbai blasts, had been executed a few months earlier.

Although there are guidelines to prevent prison suicides, they are not uncommon. The phansi yard is no exception, despite being a high-security zone.

There were two suicides in Yerwada’s phansi yard after Khan was lodged, in 2016 and 2023. He recalled interacting with Jitendra Babulal Shinde who was sentenced to death for the rape and murder of a minor girl. Initially, Shinde was of a “jolly” disposition; Khan often advised him on legal issues. But he slowly stopped speaking and withdrew and seemed frustrated.

The other was a death row convict who in 2016 killed himself within a few months of having a sentence of death passed on him.

Siddiqui felt that because he was educated, he managed to cope and avoid the need for sedatives. But the period between 2017 and 2018 was “blank” for him because there was no clarity on the hearing of their case in the Bombay High Court. They were confined to their cells during this period, and all movement outside had been curtailed.

Sunil Gupta is a former ​​jailor and legal advisor of Tihar jail, and the author of Black Warrant – Confessions of a Tihar Jailer, the basis for a seven-episode Netflix series. Gupta said that while there are suicides of death row prisoners, it is first time offenders or those wrongly incarcerated who are more susceptible. Even after three decades as a jailor, he experienced a “negative” feeling while entering a jail.


Mental toll and coping

Siddiqui’s family lives in Uttar Pradesh’s Jaunpur. He had only been married for seven months at the time of his arrest. Mulakats [meeting with family] in prison were rare due to the distance--it would take the family close to 18 hours by train. And when it did happen, it was difficult. “I used to tell them not to cry because it would break me.”

When he yearned for freedom from Nagpur’s jail, it was the fragrances of phansi yard’s garden and amidst the peepal and mango trees, and the view of the sky through the metal net overhead which brought relief.

Letters became a source of consolation. But writing in Urdu and the prison’s scrutiny and censorship created its own bureaucratic delays and constraints. “My family has preserved my letters. I avoided writing about my torture or troubles in jail.”

Khan, who tried to stay “positive” through prayers, exercise and yoga, too relied on letters which would come from different family members in one envelope. The police verification and clearance, and the long wait for a short 30-minute mulakat, felt like harassment. “I felt bad for my family, particularly the children who would be upset and cry.”

In 2011, four years before his sentence, Khan’s father died of cancer. He was a mechanic who had worked hard to put Khan and his brother through school and college. “It hurt a lot to not be around for him when he needed me the most,” said Khan. “When I interacted with young misguided men in jail, I worried about my three children, their education and the environment they were growing up in [without me].”

While Khan has accessed treatment for his physical health since his release, he has not sought mental health support.

“Capital punishment shows us at our worst as a civilisation. We are inflicting mental and physical torment,” said Yug Mohit Chaudhry, defense lawyer in the case and a death penalty abolitionist.

According to Project 39A’s Deathworthy report, 62% of the 82 death row prisoners whose clinical enquiry for mental health diagnosis was undertaken were diagnosed with at least one mental illness. Current episodes of mental illnesses such as Major Depressive Disorder, Persistent Depressive Disorder, Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Substance Use Disorder were found to be the most prevalent among the prisoners.

The analysis indicates that death row prisoners are at a higher risk of poor mental health, said Misra, lead author of the report. “It is not uncommon for prisoners who have been sentenced to death to imagine their own hanging, and to dream about it,” said Misra. “And in reality, very few of them are identified or properly addressed, or even the vulnerability recognised in law.”

Gupta agreed that it was not unusual to find a death sentence convict to be depressed. “Death row prisoners whose mercy petition is rejected are tense.”


Sedatives rather than support

IndiaSpend had reported about the severe resource issues in prisons and its impact on the mental health of prisoners. Multiple studies conducted between 2011 and 2014 show that the prevalence of mental illness in various state prisons ranged from 24% to 82%--at least 10 times higher than the official prison data for 2023.

The usual practice is to give sedatives to prisoners instead of addressing the mental health concern, said Khan, who avoided sedatives due to his worry about getting addicted. There were many moments where he felt depressed; he coped through prayers and yoga to remain "positive".

“I’ve heard prisoners scream in the middle of the night and I think most death row prisoners cannot sleep without sleeping pills. They will lose their minds.”

One major issue is that the depression a prisoner feels and discusses impacts others. It was a reason that forced Siddiqui to limit his own interactions with other prisoners.

“Sedatives do not address the mental issue [prisoners face] and provide temporary relief overnight, and there is no adequate focus on such problems,” he said. “I think the jail administration feels that once the court has sentenced a person to death, it is enough for them to provide only basics to keep the person alive [until execution].”

IndiaSpend has reported that two in three sanctioned posts for psychologists and psychiatrists in prisons were vacant in 2022--the highest since 2016. 2018 was the only year where more than 50% posts were filled. According to the 2023 prison data released in September, 63% of the sanctioned posts had not been filled, with Maharashtra--where Khan and Siddiqui were held--only filling three of the 21 posts. Twenty five of the 36 states and Union territories (UTs) did not have a sanctioned post for psychologist or psychiatrist.

Prisons are designed to be ultra-male, macho environments where prisoners are expected to “man up”. There is no provision for psychiatrists, said Chaudhry. “We drug death row prisoners with sedatives. The test drops [using sandbags] done on the gallows are traumatic and haunting for them.”

Unless there is severe mental illness, the general duty medical officer treats prisoners, said Gupta. “When you do not have adequate psychiatrists [in jails], the medical officer will usually prescribe sleeping pills.”

IndiaSpend has reported about intervention in some jails for mental health support and counseling in prisons. Peer support programmes have been found to be effective and useful in identifying or screening for mental illnesses or disorders among prisoners. But experts have said that governments must invest in prisons including mental health support and interventions and not look at prisoners' mental health as just a matter of medication and feeling better.

Aarti Jagannathan, faculty of psychiatric social work at National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences (NIMHANS), Bengaluru, who has worked in Karnataka’s prisons developing peer support programmes for prisoners, said that prisoners trained in peer support can be an effective way to screen for mental health issues in all categories of prisoners.

A study in Bengaluru central prison co-authored by Jagannathan showed that common mental disorders, substance use and suicidality were recognised and appropriately referred to by peer supporters. The peer supporters were selected from prisoners and trained over a period of time to screen prisoners for disorders and illness.

“Mental health referrals increased due to peer interaction,” said Jagannathan. “We found that peers offering the services improved their self confidence and felt valued for providing the support.” At the admission stage there is triaging, where social workers screen prisoners, peer supporters educate them, and refer them to the mental health team.

A similar initiative in Delhi’s Tihar known as Gumsum panchayat provides peer support for identifying and referring prisoners who are quiet or depressed to a psychiatrist. But Gupta said that there needs to be more investment in mental health support in prisons. “States invest very little in prisons because jails do not provide votes.”

“It requires structural and institutional changes including resourcing prisons to ensure effective care and a change in the centuries-old perspective that prisons embody,” added Misra.


Systemic neglect

On September 24, the Supreme Court had asked the Union government to decide on the mercy petition of Balwant Singh Rajoana, who has been on death row since 2007. According to media reports, his lawyer told the court that Rajaona may be suffering from “death row phenomenon” due to the trauma of delay in execution.

The phenomenon has become an “unfortunate and distinctive feature of the death penalty apparatus in India”, said the 2015 Law Commission report. The combination of issues and the outlawed punitive practices that inflict “pain, agony and torture” can only be called “a living death”, the report said.

According to the Supreme Court’s Centre for Research and Planning analysis, cases where a death penalty is imposed took two to five years at the appellate and other stages in the High Court and Supreme Court while the executive took more than 13 years to decide mercy petitions.

In the Shatrugan Chauhan case in 2013, the Supreme Court said that in some cases, death row prisoners lose their mental balance due to prolonged anxiety and suffering experienced on death row. There should be “regular mental health evaluation of all death row convicts and appropriate medical care should be given to those in need”.

Similarly in Accused X in 2019, the court observed that the World Health Organization and the International Red Cross identify multiple circumstances such as overcrowding, various forms of violence, enforced solitude, lack of privacy, inadequate health care facilities, concerns about family etc., that can take a toll on the mental health of the prisoners. These issues were experienced by Khan and Siddiqui in their 19-year imprisonment.

Although the law commission in 2015 said that they do not see a “valid penological justification for treating terrorism differently from other crimes,” it recommended that the death penalty be abolished for crimes other than terrorism-related offences and waging war. This was a progression from the 1967 law commission recommendation which said that India could not risk the experiment of abolition of capital punishment in the present state.

But states are reluctant to abolish it, according to an August 2018 Parliament response. Of 16 states which responded to the Law Commission report circulated by the Union government, Karnataka, Nagaland, Punjab and Tripura were the only states that said that the death penalty should be abolished. Delhi and Chandigarh too wanted it retained while Andaman & Nicobar, Dadra & Nagar Haveli, Daman & Diu and Lakshadweep have said that they would abide by the decision of the Union government.

Prison manuals require routine assessment of mental health of death row inmates. According to the 2016 Model prison manual and state manuals (here and here), the prison officer in charge should carefully observe the behaviour of prisoners sentenced to death with special focus on his mental status. The notes of psychological observation kept by the jailor should be checked daily by the Superintendent, who should ensure that the data required for the compilation of the notes is collected by the Jailor in an intelligent manner and that the same have a factual base, it said.

But Misra of The Square Circle Clinic was not sure if jailors or superintendents or even the medical officers were currently equipped to understand or note psychological observations. Often, the response to an aggressive prisoner would be to physically restrain them, or tie them up, as staff may not be trained to de-escalate.

“Our mental healthcare systems and understanding very much resemble techniques of coercive care employed in asylums of centuries past, not actual care,” said Misra.

“There’s also public demand for death sentences and parts of the media sensationalise it,” said Chaudhry. “If the government wanted to, it could have abolished it like other countries that have, despite public pressure.”

Except Belarus (Russia has a moratorium), all European countries have abolished the death penalty. According to US based non-profit Death Penalty Information Center’s (DPI) data, the US--where 27 states have the death penalty--has executed 33 people since the beginning of the year 2025 and 1,640 since 1976. According to their website, the US Supreme Court has said that those with intellectual disabilities and severe men­tal ill­ness must not be executed.

“While mental illness may be a factor in various respects before, during and after trial, none of the current mechanisms afford complete protection against the death penalty to those diagnosed with serious mental disorders or disabilities,” said the American Bar Association’s 2016 White paper on Severe Mental Illness and the Death Penalty.


Justice must be served

At home after his acquittal, Siddiqui realised that he was uncomfortable with people gathering around. Years in the enforced solitude of the cell had become a form of discipline.

“I want to do multiple things, and a schedule is required so that everyone around me is also aware. These habits developed in jail. I was not as disciplined when I was younger [before the incarceration],” he said.

It is this focus and discipline that allowed Siddiqui to write Horror Saga, an account of his incarceration during his time in prison. He is expecting to complete a law degree soon and add to the 22 courses he has already completed.

“Our policing system feels that any terror activity is usually done by Muslims. If it was not me, it would have been some other Muslim [person],” said Khan

A recent study by Common Cause and Lokniti - Centre for the Study Developing Societies on policing attitudes has shown bias against Muslims. It showed that more than 30% of police personnel in Delhi, Rajasthan, Maharashtra and Gujarat and less than 3% in Punjab and Kerala thought Muslims were prone to commit crimes to a “great extent”.

While more robust systems need to be developed, Khan and Siddiqui feel that those wrongly incarcerated and released after years should be compensated without having to demand it from the government. The government should apologise and police officials who were involved should be held accountable.

In July, the Supreme Court had asked the government to consider legislation for compensating wrongly incarcerated prisoners.

Khan said that the it will take time to recover from the trauma of torture and incarceration. Despite the years in prison and the immense personal and financial loss, he was happy for his family’s support.

“It was not just us, but those who were victims of the blast who also suffered,” said Siddiqui.

IndiaSpend has requested the home ministry and the departments of justice, legislation and legal affairs for their comments on mental health support for death row prisoners, human resource constraints, the abolition of the death penalty, and legislation around compensation for those wrongly incarcerated.

The legislative department said that all related policy decisions will be taken by the home ministry. We will update if we receive a response from the other departments.

If you are feeling suicidal or struggling with your mental health, help is at hand. Please reach out to a mental health professional or contact a helpline near you.

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